apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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