I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
