I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
