woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
