how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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