oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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