Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
did i walk over a car last night?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Boobs are out for the taking
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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