I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
