I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
