She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
