you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
