Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
