I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
