we're chasing vodka with high fives
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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