Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize