I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
