Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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