my shit smells like andre
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
soo... how was my night?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
