well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
