After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
