I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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