What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
