Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am spending my child support on dildos
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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