I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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