I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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