the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
