Your face is a jimmy john
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
