i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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