Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
