these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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