Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
