but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My pussy is not your playground.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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