Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
