I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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