when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
