I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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