I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
