omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
