i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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