Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
