sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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