Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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