Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We need to rekindle our bromance
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
