Fine. I'll sleep in my office
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize