She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
