I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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