"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Is it penis luge time yet?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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