Nicole vs. Life
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
