Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
