Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
These tits shall not be calmed
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
