i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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