fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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