Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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