Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
smell my finger.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
