btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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