i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
