David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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