Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
