The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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