haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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