don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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