he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
