I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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