Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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