apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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