I'd wear matching sweaters with you
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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