Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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