I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize