theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
false alarm, still single
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize