my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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