She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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