how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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