She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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