do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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