You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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