So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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