please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
