So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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