She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
