Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Blood and glitter go together right?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
