He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Boobs are out for the taking
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
