my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
