Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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